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I was glad she got the three because as we were dressing she told me that it was our last time.“My husband was killed in an accident yesterday where he worked so I don’t have to hide what I’m doing any more. It’s time for me to find a new man to spend my life with. It’s just too damned bad that you aren’t fifteen years older. If you were I’d never let you go. Besides that you aren’t going to be around here anymore.”“What? Am I getting fired?”“No silly; Jason told me today he is going to move. I knew that it would be difficult to do it myself, so I had been up early and gone to a hairdresser nearby. This felt like a last rehearsal before the big show, and as I walked down the street, acting as a girl, I saw to my relief none of the laughing faces or pointing fingers I had imagined would meet me. The hairdresser chatted on while dyeing and curling my hair, never figuring out that she wasn’t servicing a girl. My heart was beating rapidly, threatening to burst from my chest the entire. In fact I received two the same night. One was when I was half naked and the second one was when I was completely naked. That night was a number of firsts for me. It was the first time I got a blow job, the first time I was ever naked in front of an adult for the purpose of having sex, the first time anyone had played with my nipples and I discovered that I enjoyed everything that happened. The next night I was informed that there was a swimming pool in the basement of the YMCA and that tonight. I have elected to watch him live his life with a person I know is not right for him and I have chosen to keep my mouth shut about my feelings indefinitely not matter how much it eats away at me. The worst part is that not a single one of my desires has waned. Not one has become less intense, or less aggravating, in the past weeks regardless of any logic I have tried to force myself to acknowledge. I thought the dreams of him would cease if we ended things but I could not have been more wrong..
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